Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dick very happy bro
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
