Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
MIDGETS
????
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
