Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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