i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
