i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
