I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
