It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
birth control should be required to get into college
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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