I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize