I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
