Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
