Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
