Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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