It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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