and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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