I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
