Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
two words: eviction party
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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