Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
