im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
