I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
