You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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