a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
