Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Randomize
