He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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