I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
