what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
