Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
