This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
being pregnant is like rehab
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A+ Viking dick
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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