Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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