Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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