tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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