Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize