i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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