UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
