U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize