need another drink. this is the easiest way
I will die if light touches me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
