when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize