Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
