Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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