I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize