3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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