Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Panties = found
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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