i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize