I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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