fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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