Will you blow on my dice?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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