My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
