I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
