K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just threw up on my dentist
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
