i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Boobs are out for the taking
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
