the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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