AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
