There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
