Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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