my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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