Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
