turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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