Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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