would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
