You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
