I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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