so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
