Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
