I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
