if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
