remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
