The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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