Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
