yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
