You're completely useless in the revolution.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
