I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
