apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
