hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
