so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
