So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You need a sexual gate keeper
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
