somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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