i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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