I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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