Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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