dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
