i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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