my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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