would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
