She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
