Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
