She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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