it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
