there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
