dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
