He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize