We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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