The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
