hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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