dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
