A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think i got beer on your cat.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
