Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
