1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
