I smell stomach acid.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
