carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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