make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
